#combat_depressive_bouts# 非常赞的资料 心理成熟的 20 条 简直 endless wisdom
https://www.douban.com/note/780006969/
https://medium.com/@glorin/20-signs-you-are-emotionally-mature-b47a29890a09
内容主要来自 youtube video, medium 这篇不像来自原作者，总结的 title 似乎有点问题，试着翻译了一下，也不见得准，翻译腔也蛮严重，随便看看吧。
20 Signs You are Emotionally Mature
你在情感上成熟的 20 个标志
Maturity is based on responsibility. Mature people live with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of depression regardless of their age.
When we think of someone who’s emotionally mature, we typically picture a person who has an understanding of who they are. In other words, emotional maturity is when someone can manage their emotions no matter their conditions. They know how to react to tough circumstances and still keep them relaxed.
成熟的基础是责任。成熟的人无论年龄大小，都生活在较高的幸福感和较低的抑郁感中。
当我们想到一个情绪成熟的人时，我们通常会想象一个对自己的身份有了解的人。换句话说，情绪成熟是指一个人无论在什么条件下都能管理自己的情绪。他们知道如何应对艰难的环境，同时还能保持放松。
Loosening your Holding on to Self-Righteousness 不自以为是，不非黑即白的看待周遭
You realize that most of the bad habits of people really grow down to fear and anxiety rather than, nastiness, or foolishness. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either beasts or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting.
你意识到，大多数人的坏习惯其实都是由于恐惧和焦虑，而不是，龌龊，或者愚蠢。你放松了对自以为是的坚持，不再认为这个世界上不是野兽就是傻瓜。这让事情一开始不那么黑白分明，但时间久了，就会变得有趣许多。
Learning Not to Blame Others 清晰的表达自己，而不是责怪别人为什么不能秒懂
You learn that what is in your head can’t automatically be recognized by other people. Unfortunately, you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words and can’t fairly blame others for not getting what you mean until you’ve conversed confidently and clearly.
你了解到，你脑子里的东西不能自动被别人识别。不幸的是，你将不得不用语言来表达你的意图和感受，在你自信而清晰地对话之前，不能公平地责怪别人没有明白你的意思。
Realizing Your Mistakes 勇于承认错误，时而道歉
You learn that remarkably you do sometimes get things wrong. With huge courage, you take your first faltering moves towards (once in a while) confessing.
你了解到，你有时确实会把事情做错。带着巨大的勇气，你第一次摇摇欲坠地走向（偶尔）忏悔。
Learn to Be Confident 自信不是觉得自己独一无二的牛逼，是明白大家都一样挣扎一样怂
You learn to be confident not by realizing that you’re great, but by learning that everyone else is just as dumb, scared, and lost as you are. We’re all making it up as we go along, and that’s fine.
你要学会自信，不是因为你意识到自己很厉害，而是通过了解到别人和你一样，都很笨，很害怕，很迷茫。我们都是边走边编，这很好。
Learn to Forgive Your Parents 原谅你的父母，他们并不是成心要跟你过不去，他们也是人，也会犯错。把对父母的愤怒转为怜悯和同情。
You forgive your parents because you realize that they didn’t put you on this earth in order to insult you. They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity and compassion.
你原谅你的父母，因为你意识到他们把你放在这个世界上，并不是为了侮辱你。他们只是痛苦地失去了自己的深度，并与自己的恶魔作斗争。愤怒在某些时候会变成怜悯和同情。
Learning the Influence of Mood 理解影响情绪的小事。讨论重大事情的时候要注意控制环境变量。
You learn the enormous influence of so-called ‘small’ things on mood: bed-times, blood sugar and alcohol levels, degrees of background stress, etc. As a result, you learn never to bring up an important, quarrelsome issue with a loved one until everyone is well-rested, no one is drunk, you’ve had some food, nothing else is alarming you and you aren’t rushing to catch a train.
你学会了所谓的 "小 "事情对情绪的巨大影响：睡觉时间、血糖和酒精水平、背景压力的程度等等。因此，你学会了在大家都休息好了，没有人喝醉了，你已经吃了一些食物，没有其他事情让你惊慌失措，你也不急着赶火车之前，永远不要和爱人提起一个重要的、争吵的问题。
You give up sulking 不再生闷气。人迟早一死，有话就直说。如果对方懂了，则原谅；即使对方不懂，也以另一种方式原谅。
If someone hurts you, you don’t store up the hatred and the hurt for days. You remember you’ll be dead soon. You don’t expect others to know what's wrong. You tell them straight and if they get it, you forgive them. And if they don’t, in a different way, you forgive them too.
如果有人伤害了你，你不会把仇恨和伤痛储存起来好几天。你要记住你很快就会死。你不指望别人知道你的错误。你直接告诉他们，如果他们明白了，你就原谅他们。如果他们不明白，你也会以另一种方式原谅他们。
Cease to Believe in Perfection 停止追求完美，学会接受 “这就够好了” 。人生很多事情本来就是小毛病不断但是也已经 “够好了”
You cease to believe in perfection in pretty much every area. There aren’t any perfect people, perfect jobs, or perfect lives. Instead, you turn towards an appreciation of what is ‘good enough.’ And Believing many things in your life are at once quite frustrating and yet, in many ways, exceptionally good enough. Perfect people don’t exist and every strength will be tagged with a weakness.
你不再相信在几乎每一个领域都是完美的。没有任何完美的人，完美的工作，或者完美的生活。相反，你转向欣赏什么是 "足够好"。而相信你生活中的很多事情都是同时相当令人沮丧的，然而，在很多方面，又是异常的足够好。完美的人是不存在的，每一种力量都会被贴上弱点的标签。
Become Calmer or More Patient 放弃理想主义，别期待过高，则可以有耐性、更从容的接受各种结果。
You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic about how things will turn out and as a result, emerge as a calmer, more patient, and more forgiving soul. You’ll lose some of your idealism and become a far less maddening person (less impatient, less rigid, and less angry).
你学会了对事情的结果多一点悲观的美德，结果，出现了一个更平静、更有耐心、更宽容的灵魂。你会失去一些理想主义，成为一个远没有那么疯狂的人（不那么急躁、不那么死板、不那么愤怒）。
Learn to Strengthen Others 别只看见别人的缺点。人无完人，其实每种特质都有好坏两面。
You’ll learn to see that everyone’s weaknesses of character are linked to counter-balancing strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses, you look at the whole picture: Yes someone is a bit messy, but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary.
你会学会看清每个人性格上的弱点都与对抗性的优点有关。你不是孤立地看待他们的弱点，而是从整体上看问题。是的，有些人是有点混乱，但同时又有出色的创造力和远见。
Difficult to Fall in Love 不再轻易爱上别人。无论乍看再怎么高富帅白富美，近看仍会有缺点。珍惜拥有。
When you were less mature, you could develop a crush in an instant. Now, you’re poignantly aware that everyone, however externally charming or accomplished, would be a bit of a pain from close up. You develop loyalty to what you already have.
当你还不太成熟的时候，你可以在瞬间产生暗恋。现在，你尖锐地意识到，每个人，无论外在多么有魅力，多么有成就，近距离看都会有点痛苦。你会对已经拥有的东西产生忠诚。
Shedding Sentiments towards yourself 探索自己的怪癖。给生命中重要的人提供一个自己的用户手册。
You learn that you are rather surprisingly quite a difficult person to live with. You’ll shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. You go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge.
你会了解到，你是一个相当令人惊讶的相当难相处的人。你会脱去一些你先前对自己的多愁善感。你进入友谊和关系提供他人善意的警告，如何和何时你可能证明是一个挑战。
You’ll Learn to Forgive Yourself 原谅自己。像对待朋友一样对待自己。沉浸式反刍过去的错误，其实一点用都没有。你当然是个白痴，但跟所有人一样，是个可爱的白痴。
You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness. You realize the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself for past misdeeds. You become more of a friend to yourself. Of course, you’re an idiot, but you’re still a loveable one, as we all are.
你学会原谅自己的错误和愚蠢。你意识到仅仅为过去的错误行为鞭打自己是没有结果的自我陶醉。你变得更像自己的朋友。当然，你是个白痴，但你仍然是个可爱的人，因为我们都是。
Compromising with Your Childishness 人无完人。心智成熟不代表时时刻刻都滴水不漏。偶尔幼稚一把，就好好招待一下藏在心里的孩子。
You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child-like bits of you that will always remain. You cease trying to be a grown-up at every occasion.You accept that we all have our regressive moments and when the inner two years old you rears its head, you greet them generously and give them the attention they need.
你了解到，成熟所涉及的部分内容是与你顽固的孩子般的部分和平相处，这将永远保持。你不再试图在每个场合都成为一个成年人. 你接受我们都有我们的倒退时刻，当内在的两岁的你重新出现时，你慷慨地迎接他们，并给予他们需要的关注。
Learn to Celebrate Little Things 不要等着大手笔的成功才开始庆祝。欣赏和庆祝沿途的小成功，小确幸。
You cease to put too much hope in grand plans for the kind of happiness you expect can last for years. You celebrate the little things that go well. You realize that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes. You’re delighted if one day passes by without too much bother. You take a greater interest in flowers and in the evening sky. You develop a taste for small pleasures.
你不再把太多的希望寄托在宏伟的计划上，你期望的那种幸福可以持续多年。你庆祝那些顺利的小事。你意识到，满足感是以分钟为单位递增的。如果有一天没有太多麻烦就过去了，你会很高兴。你对鲜花和夜空更感兴趣。你培养了对小乐趣的品味。
Don’t Care What Other’s Think 他人的想法权重为零。自己和最重要的 1-2 个人的意见才有分量。
What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern. You realize the minds of others are muddled places and you don’t try so hard to polish your image in everyone else’s eyes. What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you.You give up on fame and start to rely on love.
一般人对你的看法不再是这样的顾虑。你意识到别人的心思都是糊涂的地方，你不会那么努力地去打磨自己在别人眼中的形象。重要的是，你和一两个人都能接受你是你！你放弃了名利，开始依赖爱情。
Getting Better at Hearing Feedback 学会聆听反馈，有则改之无则加勉。
You get better at hearing feedback. Rather than assuming that anyone who criticizes you is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake. Try to accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board. You start to see that you can listen to criticism and survive it without having to put on your armor and deny there was ever a problem.
你会越来越善于听取反馈意见。而不是假设任何批评你的人要么是想羞辱你，要么是在犯错误。试着接受，也许接受一些事情会是一个想法。你开始明白，你可以倾听批评，并在批评中生存下来，而不必穿上盔甲，否认曾经有问题。
Giving Value to Life 改变视角，刻意跟烦心事保持距离，比如试试接近大自然，养宠物，仰望星空。
You’ll realize the extent to which you tend to live, day by day, in too great proximity to certain of your problems and issues. And remember more and more that you need to get perspective on things that pain you. You take more walks in nature, you might get a pet and you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky.
你会意识到，你倾向于在多大程度上，每天都生活在过于接近你的某些问题和议题中。并且越来越记得，你需要对那些让你痛苦的事情有一个正确的认识。你会多去大自然中散步，你可能会养一只宠物，你会欣赏夜空中我们头顶遥远的星系。
Taking Control of Your Feelings 修正情绪偏差。情绪初始值=(目前的状况，过去的经历，其他无关事情）的函数。学会这个函数的 functional form，反推出目前状况的真实值。
You recognize how your distinctive past colors your response to events. Also, learn to compensate for the distortions that result. You accept that, because of how your childhood went, you have a tendency to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics. You realize sometimes not to go with your feelings.
你要认识到你独特的过去是如何影响你对事件的反应的。同时，学会补偿由此产生的扭曲。你接受了，因为你的童年是如何发展的，你在某些方面有夸大的倾向。你会对自己围绕特定话题的第一冲动产生怀疑。你意识到有时候不要跟着自己的感觉走。
Better in Hearing Others 别一味在朋友面前吹自己的好事情。友谊是关于暴露和分享自己脆弱的部分。
When you start a friendship, you realize that other people don’t principally want to know your good news, so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you, so that they can in turn feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts. You become a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about is a sharing vulnerability.
当你开始一段友谊时，你会发现，别人主要不是想知道你的好消息，而是想洞察你的烦恼和忧虑，从而反过来让自己的心灵之痛不那么孤独。你会成为更好的朋友，因为你看到了友谊的真谛是分享脆弱。
Our Emotional Barometer is a tool to help us more clearly explain our moods. Hope this Article was Helpful. Thank You for Reading!
我们的情绪晴雨表是一个帮助我们更清晰地解释自己情绪的工具。希望这篇文章对你有所帮助。谢谢你的阅读
